I need to stop coming to work sober
you win again, gameday.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
