I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
