hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
