just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
