It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
