My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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