God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
