You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
