True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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