Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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