His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
