I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
