I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
