I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
