12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
