I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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