So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
