you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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