I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
