a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
