beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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