a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't deserve a penis
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think your dad took our porno
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
