I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Panties = found
Randomize
