I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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