I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
