I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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