i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
