I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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