He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
