Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
