No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
