Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize