I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
