I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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