Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
