i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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