I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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