And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
