when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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