Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize