i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you win again, gameday.
do herpes really smell.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
