Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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