So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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