question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
