you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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