This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
