yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
