the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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