all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
