Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
