my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
