I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
