You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's always time for handjobs
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
