singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
