did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize