69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
