I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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