The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
