genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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