Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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