I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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