Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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