if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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