If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
