well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize