im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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