He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
