Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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