I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
