Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize