Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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