Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
