goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Randomize
