The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
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